Layers of Change

Outdoor winter running in Northeast Ohio requires layering of clothes. Sometimes even with up to 4 layers, it’s cold getting started. But somewhere into the run, the warmth of the body takes over and sweat emerges. The work of running may even cause one to shed an outer layer to “cool off” in the cold. By the end of the run, things are nice and toasty. Once indoors, peeling off those layers feels oh, so good. Making changes can be thought of as a form of layering as well.

At this time of year, many people are considering making changes of different sorts, a new beginning, hitting a “reset button.” Reflection on the past year, and energy to make changes in the new year is common. But, most people have difficulty after a short period of time, and end up not sticking to the changes they thought they wanted to make.

Let’s think of making changes as a form of layering. On the outside layer, someone can say, “I want to do…” But conflicting with that, there might be a next layer that really says, “I should/have to do…” And a third layer may be, “I can’t do…” Finally, the innermost layer is “I choose to do…”

Creating change requires noticing these mental layers:

I want to do: is easy. Everybody can rattle off what they want to do. I want to run a marathon, I want to lose 20 lbs., I want to eat nutritious foods, I want to cut down on drinking. Most people can easily say what they WANT to do. But that doesn’t usually mean they get to the changes.

I should/have to do: is a little less easy. Lots of people will say they want something, but the want is complicated by a “should.” You should run a marathon, you should lose 20 lbs., you should eat nutritious foods, you should cut down on your drinking. “Shoulds” and “have to’s” usually are layers that need some attention, if you want to make progress toward change. “Should” messages from others that become our own internalized “shoulds” (imagine finger pointing) usually do not help to create change in the long term.

I can’t do: is usually the home of self doubt and can make change difficult. I can’t run a marathon, I can’t lose 20 lbs., I can’t eat nutritious foods, I can’t cut down on drinking. Most people will have “can’t” thoughts from time to time when they venture into change territory. Self doubt can come for many reasons, but being aware of it and addressing it in various ways helps one to move to the final layer.

The last layer, “I choose to…” is where the power of change can take place. Beyond a non-committal want, beyond should, beyond can’t. “I choose to” means a clear intention is taking place, action is happening.

To ensure your success with creating change, it can be helpful to be sure you have the foundational layer of “I choose to” fitting well with what you carve out in your goals for the next running, weight loss, eating/drinking seasons.

First, clarity of your mission. The foundation of your layers is your mission. What are you on this Earth to accomplish? What is your grand mission in life, what are you here to do? If you don’t know, then this is the first layer to be clear about, because all else can fit neatly on top of this, or feel uncomfortable because the proper base layer next to the skin is missing. “I choose to” sorts of statements can more easily occur when you are acting in line with your mission as the foundational layer.

Second, the smaller pieces like hats and gloves, that help you start or continue on your mission, are another layer for success. These can be thought of as goals. What do you choose to do in line with your mission in the short and long term? Goals have to be personally meaningful, something you really want, not something you think you “should” want or “have to do.” Specific, difficult, attainable, and important are characteristics of good goal layering.

Third, consistency between the mission and your goals can make your energy grow. Also, encouragement helps effort and energy more than other negative tactics like guilt, sarcasm, physical punishment (coach tactics). If you have an inner critic, notice it, and replace inner critic thoughts with an encouraging friend’s voice instead.

Fourth and last, related to consistency between mission and goals, outsides must match the insides. What you say to others matches what you say to yourself. If you hear yourself telling others what you want to do, should do, or have to do, see if you can check inside and find out what you really are choosing to do. I want to go for a long run today, but… I should go for a long run today, but… I can’t go for a long run today… Practice saying to self and others, “I choose to… go for a long run.” It changes your energy toward the behavior. Consistency outside and inside reduces stress by reducing conflict.

If you are serious about that marathon, weight, or habit, notice the layers of change in your mental process of training. Just as the work of running in the cold can make you shed layers, the work of moving toward your goals can make you shed layers of thoughts that interfere with changes. If you really are serious about what changes you say are important, then show it by making daily choices. Hear yourself saying, “I am choosing to do this long run this weekend,” and see yourself saying that to others when you tell them about it. I choose to do… is powerful. You have the power to make changes with each and every choice, thoughtful layers based on a solid foundation.