After 23 years of engaging in the sport of running, I recently became intimately aware of ultra distance running. I completed a 50 mile “ultra.” The ultramarathon, that some refer to as “beyond the marathon,” is any distance beyond 26.2 miles/42K. It was a battle, and it was a significant sport event that dug me deeper into my spiritual self.
The experience of battle during a sport event is nothing new. In antiquity, it seems that running “events” were related to battle preparations and religious festivals. Sport was sacred preparation for actual combat, athletes were brutal fighters, war ready. The ancient Olympics were certainly full of bloody bruising battles.
The first organized ultramarathon has ties to battle. The Comrades ultramarathon (55.9 miles), held in South Africa, is the largest and oldest organized ultramarathon in the world, beginning in 1921. It originated as a way to commemorate soldiers killed during war, with the goal of creating a unique test of physical endurance and to "celebrate mankind's spirit over adversity."
Today, most individuals are not enthralled in militaristic war, but rather their own daily personal battles with various adversaries (i.e. body image, relationship issues, financial struggles, depression). To cope, some engage in religious or spiritual practices such as meditation, or physical activities and exercise to “get away.” However, prayer, meditation, and exercise don’t necessarily provide escape or halt the battles, they change our perceptions of them. Wrestling with struggles, battling with our issues can be thought of as part of what brings meaning and depth to our lives. Good battle is useful and productive, and helps us make the most of our time in this life. The daily struggles are the stuff of life, we work toward and through things and can feel satisfaction in this. With that kind of change in perception, most find it easier to embrace strife, because it is no longer bad, it just is, it’s just part of the human experience. The connection with something “more” (spiritual, soulful, or Divine), or with meaning-making comes from embracing struggle, not battling with the battle.
I think ultrarunning satisfies the soul because it’s a unique form of battle, a voluntary embrace of struggle. There’s something about this physical practice that is warrior-like. Warriors embrace fear and move through it, they go beyond fear. To do this, they must act with heart: “For the warrior, this experience of sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness…the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world tickle your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world.” (Trungpa, p. 46) Warriors embrace unknown terrain, willing to face their states of mind. Instead of aggression, there is self mastery and fulfillment, radiating goodness to the world. They appreciate others and are cooperative. All of these things- moving beyond fear, self mastery, discipline, and acting with heart- are all things required of utrarunners.
Every time I run, no matter the distance, it requires effort. It never gets easy. Some battles are small, some are large, but they’re all relative to my own expectations. When I first started running, 5 miles was an accomplishment. When I ran my first marathon, it seemed like such a daunting task. By the fourth, it wasn’t easier, but my performance improved with experience. When I ran the 50 miler, my perspective about distance enlarged to embrace the challenge. It was a test of my warriorship. I welcomed the challenge of the distance, knowing it would require a transformative mind, body, spirit battle and celebration. For those so inspired to be immersed in a personal spiritual battle or sacred warrior training, through the thrill of adversity contained in an ultra running event, there are a range of options.
Standard ultra distance events include 50K (31 mi.), 50 mi., 100K (62 mi.), and 100 mi. There are multi day events that can cover a 1000 mi. or more. There also are timed events, the goal to cover as much distance possible within a certain amount of time, usually 6, 12, or 24 hrs., then 3 or 6 days. There are ultramarathons of all sorts all over the world with varying degrees of difficulty. Through mountain terrain, ascents and descents of thousands of feet, weather variations, dirt roads and rocks, and water obstacles, the courses widely vary. A quick search of ultra events reveals the hottest to wettest ultras in trails through desert and jungle, and a 3100 miler that takes place over days of running approximately 60 miles per day (5649 laps on a .55 mi. course, in 51 days). It is fittingly called The Self Transcendence 3100 Mile Race, held in New York City. You can’t help but face your state of mind doing thousands of laps on a half mile course.
The trail run I completed was a mere 50 miles, but certainly gave me the opportunity to face my own state of mind. I did battle with my self at certain points, other parts felt smooth and effortless. However, it was in the times of battle, that I dug deeper into my spiritual self. I traveled deeper into the forest, deeper into my own psyche. I had to go into my heart, embracing the battle.
During the race, not once did I think about surface issues like bills, house repairs, or my “list” of things to do that usually flows in and out of my mind on a daily basis. I was in the forest, on the hill, smelling the mud, hearing the birds, hearing my footsteps, watching my steps over tree roots and rocks. I was feeling my legs, each and every muscle, every fiber. I had to be mindful of every step in order to stay on my feet, the trail was aggressive. At times I was engaged in mantra-like self talk such as “jaguar,” “jaguar,” picturing myself moving like a black jaguar skillfully through the terrain, “I can do anything,” “I love my family,” “I love my life,” “keep moving”, “do better,” “c’mon Darla, get it,” etc. At other times, there was no thought, I was so present in my sense experience, that everything went away, even language. That concentration and the enjoyment of all the information my senses were bringing me, is the most rigorous mindfulness practice I’ve engaged in.
The sore muscles and the fears that cropped up did not take me off of that sacred trail. I was indeed engaged in a sacred battle, where the energy of my heart and spirit became the container for the mental and physical challenges. “Shootin’ at the walls of heartache, bang bang, I am the warrior.” The trail, the path, and the running connected me deeply to my heart. I think that is why I cried at the halfway point. The hug of a fellow runner, freely given in response to seeing my tears, delivered me further to the depths of my soft sore warrior heart. I was alone, but not alone. It was battle, but not a battle because I chose it and with every step continued to choose to go deeper.
“You should examine yourself and ask how many times you have tried to connect with your heart, fully and truly. How often have you turned away, because you feared you might discover something terrible about yourself? How often have you been willing to look at your face in the mirror, without being embarrassed? How many times have you tried to shield yourself by reading the newspaper, watching television, or just spacing out? That is the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question: how much have you connected with yourself at all in your whole life?” (Trungpa, p. 45).
Running that race connected me to myself. Now, I know that “self” is defined in different ways, and there is the idea that there is no self at all. The beauty of the sport battle inherent in running, is that the body is “doing”, but the action takes us to a place, or state of mind, that is beyond the body. You lose track of your body for some moments and are in “flow,” losing the sense of a self, and instead becoming one with all else. Running for fifteen hours is a viscerally different experience than running 60 minutes. That’s why ultras are so appealing, the intensity of the battle is a more intense spiritual experience. There is a more intense body experience, but it delivers more intense “not body” experience.
I’m not suggesting that all ultrarunners are uniquely spiritually inclined or developed. The meaning that is brought to the event may have all to do with what one gets out of it. I’m not suggesting that 30-60 minute runs aren’t effective as a spiritual exercise. I’m also not suggesting that running is the only means of accessing the stream of spiritual development. I’m also not suggesting that physical activity is the best or only way to enhance spiritual development. I could go to an intense meditation retreat for 30 days and probably have some similar experiences of battle and deeper connection with my heart. But I haven’t tried that, yet. What I do know, is that sport in general, and ultrarunning in particular is a modern form of battle, a way to connect with self, culture, and nature.
Days after the race, I felt a very interesting mix of emotions. I was expecting the “now what” slump that most people experience after accomplishing something they’ve worked toward with great effort. I felt a great calm, but also a sort of nothingness. My usual routines seemed now so easy, that I felt unchallenged and a little unhinged, and although fatigued and not physically hungry, more intensely spiritually hungry for that something “more.” The same press of desire to achieve something that I felt before the race did not magically go away after a 50 miler, much to my loved ones’ dismay. As much as I thought to myself that I could choose to never run again, I also started to think, “Maybe I can do the 100 miler next year,” “Maybe I can do a 24 hour run.” Maybe I can…undertake another battle for depth.
People ask, “Why?” Why would I now want to run 100 miles? Run for 24 hours? Because the experience took me deeper into a more rich appreciation of myself and my life and I’d be grateful to experience this again. And because it reminded me that I am ok as I am, I have basic goodness, the same basic goodness that we all possess. I feel confident in a quiet, tender, gentle sort of way, and I feel healthy. This is the experience of the sacred warrior. As Trungpa writes: But when we look back… and see the suffering that takes place in the world of the coward, that inspires us to go forward in our journey of warriorship. It is not a journey in the sense of walking in the desert looking ahead to the horizon. Rather, it is a journey that is unfolding within us…This brings a feeling of being a truly human being. Physically, psychologically, domestically, spiritually, we feel that we can lead our lives in the fullest way. There is a gut level sense of health and wholesomeness taking place in our lives, as if we were holding a solid brick of gold. It is heavy and full, and it shines with a golden color. There is something very real and, at the same time, very rich about our human existence. Out of that feeling, a tremendous sense of health can be propagated to others. In fact, propagating health to our world becomes a basic discipline of warriorship… When we feel healthy and wholesome ourselves, then we cannot help projecting that healthiness to others.” (p. 63)
Moving 50 miles created spiritual and soulful movement, movement that made me be still with a deeper understanding of myself, my experiences, my connection with others and with all that is. I am a warrior, following my sacred path toward my potential. You can also be a warrior, and embrace your battles with discipline, health, and heart. Ultrarunning trails are a form of spiritual trail, the spiritual “path.” If running 50 miles keeps me moving on that path, then bring it on. If running 100 miles keeps me moving on that path, bring it on. I want to move toward my potential, beyond fear, deeper into my heart, and more deeply into the sacred path, the most sacred of trails. I want to stay on the sacred Ultra Trail.
Resources:
Spivey, N. (2005). The ancient Olympics: A history. Oxford University Press, NY.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ultramarathon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trail_running
Trungpa, C. (1984). Shambhala: The sacred path of the warrior. Shambhala: Boston, MA.
Song lyrics: Scandal, featuring Patti Symth, “The Warrior.”
Comrades ultramarathon: http://www.comrades.com/
Interesting article: http://www.ultrunr.com/beyond.html
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